Saturday, December 10, 2016

Toilet Bowl Matchups 2016

Last year, 100 Wood Pooh Bears won our first ever Toilet Bowl, and drafted Ezekiel Elliot, and now they're the number seed in the playoffs. Coincidence?! I think not. So who will be the lucky winner of our Toilet Bowl II? Let's find out!

#9 Italion Stallionz (6-7) vs #16 Shoguns of Harlem (3-10)
After finishing one game out of a playoff spot, Stallionz is the favorite to win the Toilet Bowl. Unfortunately, they have a better away versus home record this season and host the last place Shoguns. The good news is they have Marcus Mariota, a surging Devonta Freeman, and emergent Tyreek Hill on their side. If the Shoguns are going to pull an upset after recording the fewest wins in MnB this year, they’ll need more than just Matthew Stafford to lead them there. After a seven game winning streak, they got a nice win in WK13 versus a winning team, but can they do it again in the Toilet Bowl?

#10 Mandalorian Warriors (6-7) vs #15 Original Salt (4-9)
Another home field advantage team who had a horrible home record. The Warriors accrued only one home win season, so while they have the “advantage” in their first Toilet Bowl appearance, they are spiraling downward, having lost four of their last five games. Warriors will need big weeks from Aaron Rodgers, DeMarco Murray, and Julian Edelman to stay afloat. Call it a grudge match, but Warriors called out the Original Salt franchise mid-season for mismanagement so this will be a good chance for coach Reno to punch back. Then again, with a league low average of 66.9 points per game, Salt isn’t exactly a powerhouse despite going 3-2 down the stretch…

#11 Team Cameltoe (5-8) vs #14 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (4-9)
An even 4-5 start gave way to 1-3 down the stretch, leaving Cameltoe out of the playoffs. They are the rare Toilet Bowl team to have a positive PF/PA breakdown, and have the three J’s — Julio Jones, Jordy Nelson, Jordan Howard — ready to grab a victory. And it’s not like Hungry Ouroboros can put up much of a challenge, as they’ve found it hard to find consistency with five players hitting IR this season and only the happy lights of Matt Ryan and Dak Prescott to lead the way. Also, you can only start one QB… The only good news for Ouroboros all season has been the emergence of Rishard Matthews, who has been the #8 WR since WK5.

#12 Squirtle Squad (4-9) vs #13 Jedi Knights (4-9)
The Squirtles haven’t had a winning season since 2009 and they finished 1-4 to crash near the bottom of the league yet again. [Edit: they actually went 10-2-1 last season and won The Wood division last season. Whoops!] One man can’t make a team, and even if that one man is Tom Brady, Squirtles could face an early exit if someone else doesn’t step up this week — sad face to the IR seasons by Adrian Peterson and Keenan Allen. Lum decided to welcome in Star Wars Rogue One by going 1-7 down the stretch after a 3-2 start -- at one point they were leading their division in scoring too. "This is a rebellion, isn't it? I rebel lose.” With a leaky defense and only TY Hilton providing any sort of consistency, Jedi Knights will need a huge week from Eli Manning to have a shot at victory.

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