2015 Keeper Analysis: Eastern Conference

Alright, as we embark on yet another exciting season of Maize and Blue, we have a new set of keepers, as well as new rules that maybe affected a few keeper decisions? Let's take a look! And as always, we sort out the keepers into gold/silver/bronze status and here's the keeper spreadsheet. [2014 East | West]

The Wood
*Fockers +2(15): Andrew Luck (3) Le’Veon Bell (3) LeGarrette Blount (2) Demaryius Thomas (3) Dez Bryant (3) Davante Adams (1)
100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears -2(14): Cam Newton (2) Carlos Hyde (2) Antonio Brown (3) Mike Evans (2) Brandin Cooks (1) Jimmy Graham (3)
Italian Stallionz +1(12): Matthew Stafford (2) Jamaal Charles (3) Andre Ellington (2) DeAndre Hopkins (2) Brandon Marshall (2) Mike Wallace (1)
Squirtle Squad -2(12): Ryan Tannehill (1) Adrian Peterson (3) Justin Forsett (2) Randall Cobb (3) Keenan Allen (2) Allen Robinson (1)

It’s been all uphill since Hong took over the reins from Eric and went from the Human Amoebas to *Fockers. After two seasons of steady contention, and a Super Bowl showing last year, GM Hong pushed all his chips into the middle of the table in an effort to take that final step toward a title. On paper, this team is the early favorite. Andrew Luck and Le’Veon Bell are (not very arguably) the best options at their position. Heading into the keeper declaration, Hong was facing a slight dip in talent — Montee Ball was a slated keeper — but he pulled off a blockbuster at the last minute, acquiring Dez Bryant and Davante Adams from 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears. Adding Bryant and Adams to Demaryius Thomas makes this the best receiving corps in the league. Who else has two top five WRs on their team? Nobody!? If RB#2 LeGarrette Blount can stay healthy, he’ll pound in touchdowns for the Patriots and help lead *Fockers on their “win now” path.

Our champ from two years ago had an incredible keeper core heading into 2014 but couldn’t defend their title. Instead of pushing hard for another championship, Jose seems to have decided to restock for the future. They still have Antonio Brown as an all-world receiver but Dez Bryant has been shipped out (for an enormous future haul) and he’ll be flanked by last year’s #1 overall pick, Brandin Cooks, as well as last year’s rookie TD machine, Mike Evans. Carlos Hyde will get a starting job this year, replacing Shane Vareen as a keeper, and of course Cam Newton and Jimmy Graham are still around. The big question is if Graham can maintain his elite TE status with the Seahawks. Either way, Pooh Bears are still a talented team and will fight in the toughest division in the land.

If you’ve been watching Hard Knocks, you’re probably convinced that DeAndre Hopkins is going to be a franchise caliber receiver. He looks amazing, doesn’t he? And what style too! The Italian Stallionz sure hope Hopkins is ready to dominate, and despite a down season from Matthew Stafford, the addition of Brandon Marshall should give Stafford a new target, alongside deep threat Mike Wallace. Jamaal Charles is a contender for the best RB around, and maybe the Andre Ellington hype train hasn’t fully left the station, but was just delayed a bit. Does Porta's team have enough to build on last year's 8-5 record?

Squirtle Squad went 4-9 last year and know they have an uphill battle to climb back into the post-season. Out goes Zac Stacy, Josh Gordon, and Julius Thomas. In comes Ryan Tannehill, Justin Forsett, and Allen Robinson. Robinson basically had a lost rookie season but he showed flashes of being very good. And while Forsett had a surprise breakout year, it’ll be a relief for Brian to have Adrian Peterson back on the field following his suspension. Morals, schmorals, show me the touchdowns AP! Plus, Cobb is going to catch 200+ balls now that Jordy Nelson is out for the year, perfect for our new 0.5PPR rules!

Sum Dum Goy (Lebowski Achievers)
Detroit Players +2(13): DeMarco Murray (3) Jeremy Hill (2) Mark Ingram (2) AJ Green (3) Martavis Bryant (2) Jarvis Landry (1)
Sweep the Leg Zabka +3(13): Eli Manning (2) Latavius Murray (1) Odell Beckham Jr (3) Sammy Watkins (2) Kelvin Benjamin (2) Rob Gronkowski (3)
Mandalorian Warriors -4(11): Drew Brees (3) CJ Anderson (3) Ray Rice (0) Larry Fitzgerald (2) Julian Edelman (2) Dwayne Allen (1)
Shoguns of Harlem -3(10): Tony Romo (2) Arian Foster (2) Alshon Jeffery (3) Jeremy Maclin (2) Tyler Eifert (1) Texans Def (0)

What is this madness! Detroit Players have the best keeper core in the division AND they are adding the #1 overall pick in this draft?! Ariel’s team went 6-5-2 last year but missed the playoffs despite a lot of great breaks for them. DeMarco Murray has a monster season, Jeremy Hill and Mark Ingram were both wonderful, and even though AJ Green was dinged up, he should be back to elite form again. Plus, Detroit Players added young WRs Martavis Bryant and Jarvis Landry to the mix, repalcing Zach Ertz and Kyle Rudolph. With a deep RB and WR core, the only question is which QB will be tapped to carry this team now that Robert Griffin III is on the outs.

In his rookie year as owner, Alan piloted Sweep the Leg Zabka to a 8-5 record and a playoff showing. Very impressive! Plus, Alan transformed a roster that was mostly old and boring to one that is full of promise and excitement. He hit huge on a trio of rookie receivers: Odell Beckham Jr, Sammy Watkins, and Kelvin Benjamin. (Sure, Benjamin is out now but he’s still a great keeper.) And Beckham and Watkins should be stars for years to come. Latavius Murray is unproven but he’s more exciting the all three backs Alan had kept last season: Maurice Jones-Drew, Knowshon Moreno, Rashad Jennings -- the latter two via pre-2014 draft trade. Eli Manning replaces Andy Dalton at the helm and we’re predicting another great year for Sweep the Leg Zabka. No beginner’s luck here!

Remember when Mandalorian Warriors were the most feared team in the league? They had the best keepers, an endless future, and a title to boot. Now, the mighty Warriors have dropped to Earth. And the ride has not been smooth. If you had told me Warriors would go 5-8 two years after their title, I would have spit in your face! GM Matt realized his team was no good and launched into a full rebuild last October, shipping out LeSean McCoy, Brandon Marshall, Greg Olson, Chris Ivory, and Seahawks DST all in one week. So it’s no surprise that their keeper core is quite diminished, wit the likes of Dwayne Allen now on the keeper roster. Still, Broncos RB CJ Anderson was a find last season, and Larry Fitzgerald and Julian Edelman are reliable pass catchers. Drew Brees can still be a force and it’ll be interesting to see if he’ll be around to enjoy the benefits of the rebuild. And how about Matt keeping Ray Rice, who is currently still out of the NFL… Bold move!

Last year's division winner from the former Lebowski Achievers is ranked at the bottom of keeper talent rankings? What gives! Is this just disrespect? To that we say, “sum dum goy!” Mike’s team will still feature the threesome of Tony Romo, Arian Foster, and Alshon Jeffery but Ben Tate, Chris Johnson, and Vernon Davis are out. Tyler Eifert and um, Texans DST are in! (I have to give big fat zeros to any DST that’s kept, sorry, personal policy.) Jeremy Maclin came back strong from his injury last season to post a career season and maybe he can put up another nice showing with the Chiefs. However, with Foster sidelined for possibly the first eight weeks, it’ll take a Herculean effort for these Shoguns to repeat as division champs. Then again, sum dum goy!